What do you think happens when the soul of a clown and the soul of a poet live together in one human being? Do they live in harmony? Well, while they don’t necessarily fight each other, they wage their own internal wars in opposite corners.

Having that duality within one man, it is a double whammy, folks. Most people wear some sort of mask on a daily basis. That is why when someone asks us “how are you?”, we automatically come back with something like “Fine, and you?”. We don’t really want to share how we feel and we don’t want to know how the other person is doing. That’s OK, though, the person who asked us the question in the first place doesn’t really want to know either.

Well, imagine two masks on one man: words dripping with alcohol and tears buried in laughter. Here it is: the beast that is me.

In this blog, I will share thoughts on my life, on the movies I love, on the music I appreciate and on many other things. Some of it will be in English and some in French, all depending on how the thoughts organize themselves in my head at that specific moment. There will be a little bit of everything. My sense of humour might shock some, so let all of you be forewarned. This is my space and it will fit my reality. If you get offended easily, you might want to look elsewhere.

Having said all of this now, all that is left to do is to officially welcome you to the blog of the clowning poet. Hope you enjoy your visits into my universe.

dimanche 11 juillet 2010

28 days later

I haven’t updated my blog very much lately; I hope you people that were following me before didn’t totally forget about this site by now. To be honest, I don’t feel inspired to do very much these days. I thought quitting alcohol for a while would give me a boost in energy, but it has had the opposite effect. Even on the weekends, by the time midnight comes around, my body and my spirit gives up on me and asks for sleep. I think my whole system finds my new lifestyle so boring, so it just gives up and wants to go to bed.

Yes, it has been 28 days since I had my last drink. I have had a few drinking hiatus over the last few years, but this one has been the hardest ever. Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to put all of this pressure on myself by telling everybody around me I was doing it. My intentions were good, I wanted to tough it out. After 28 days, the main thought in my head still is: when will I stop putting myself through this?

I still want to hang on to this sobriety thing, at least for a while. I want to clean out my system and give myself a head start with the weight loss thing. I will drink eventually; I just want to be able to do it responsibly.

I sincerely thought that I wouldn’t miss it that much. I was told that, after 28 days, it would all get better. It is not. I do not want to drink all the time, but, in certain occasions, it sucks to have to say: Nah, I don’t drink. There has to be a place right in between binging and staying absolutely sober. I want to find that place. Have a few drinks in good company, on the right occasions, not emptying bottles every weekend. That is something I want to accomplish for myself. I know I can do it. I will do it.

As for now, I will give myself some more time before I touch it again. I’ll keep you posted on this and other subjects.
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1 commentaire:

Nancy a dit…

Good Luck!! What were your reasons to decide to quit drinking cold turkey in the first place? Remember that.

- Signed, the girl with zero willpower who's not sober and just ate three popcicles in a row.

(hehe serieusement, J'etais justement entrain de penser aujourdhui que c'est beeen que trop le temps que je me remette a la diete)

20 juillet 2010 à 18:34

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