Death wish not granted

I’m back, and let’s hope I can update this thing on a more regular basis in the weeks and months to come. I also make the wish that I can start this 34th year of my life on a better footing, both mentally and physically. It will come as a surprise to no one that changes are necessary.

Yes, it was my birthday today. I am now 34 years old. For me, that is the last of two very weird but nonetheless important milestones in my life. To most people, the round numbers are the milestones. The big 3-0, the big 4-0, the big 5-0, and so on and so forth, are the major ones. Alas, I am not like most folks. For me, it was 27 and 33, the ages at which so many of my idols died. Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendrix all kicked the proverbial bucket at the age of 27. As for the age of 33, it is related to the demise of John Belushi, Chris Farley and Bon Scott. So, for clowns and for poets, these are significant milestones. For a PoeticClown, even more so.

Years ago, I was talking to a friend of mine and discussing my way of looking at the future. That person took me by surprise when she asked me if I had a death wish. I had never looked at it that way and I didn’t quite know what to answer to that. Recently, as I was about to outlive all of these heroes of mine, I started to think about that question again. Maybe I did have a death wish. I never really made any serious attempt to end my own existence. That being said, I sure did push it to the max with excesses of food and booze. Over the years, I have stretched out the limits of what one body can take. I sure can feel the effects of that today. Thankfully, I have never done drugs. I never did, not because I am against it but because I know I would probably enjoy that too. So, I refrained from adding that problem to the list. I know me and my addictive personality. I have pushed the envelope so to speak, but I managed to survive. Just like I did when I was born, I beat the odds.

As I look to the future now, having outlived all these all-time greats, I am thinking that other models could be added to my list. People who lived a full life, to the beat of their own drums, and managed to make it quite far. I am thinking of comedian George Carlin, who made it to his 70’s despite a long life of pushing it. There is also Jack Nicholson, my all-time favourite actor. He just turned 74and he’s still going. I’ll never attain the pinnacle of success they have reached, but maybe there are more good things on my path that I can accomplish before I check out. Alongside the love of my life, I could see the world. I could publish my book. I could witness so many things and be an important part of some of it.

As for now, I am not quite sure what the beat of my own drum will be. As I look for this new path, I’ll try to keep all of you posted. That death wish of mine was not granted, and, for better or for worse (depending on your opinion of me), let’s hope I can make the best of it.